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SUDDENLY, 2019


Suddenly there I was. Was there or was here? I tried but I couldn’t, shouldn’t, remember any event prior to arrival. I looked, fondled, grappled, grabbelled around my newly occupied space. For there was space yes because I was in it, but yet there was no space at all. There were so many of us, and yet there were none of us. What a perturbing place to be. Spying attention all around I saw another comrade: Where are we? What is this place, space? Am I a plastic-paper-metal-coin? I questioned to no avail. He shrugged and stumbled on. I turned with the gyre - Do I initiate? What is my shape? What is my form...Do I have control? [These questions posed a profound meta-existential debate of infinite sorts that I have redacted for your sanity].


Overtaken by further inspection of self, I peered down at my entity, I didn’t appear to be constructed of any substance definitive at all. No shape I had ever seen before, I had never seen shape before. I am no circle, square or triangle. My being flutters and freezes like a plastic bag in a polar vortex. Do I have colour? It was at the exact moment that I posed this question that my being shone of an iridescent quality the likes of which I would never see again.


I was catapulted upwards at high velocity and swiftly found myself to be occupying a different space, that is if there were any space at all. A different luminosity. Everything looked as though it were inside a plastic green space-hopper - I am colour. I thought how queer, my entire self green, all quite green. I spied a group of others huddled in the corner and approached them. They were quite dissatisfied with all my questioning having become quite accustomed and comfortable with their position, they resented being reminded that they could be wrong and that there might be a totally different explanation for our shared existence altogether. Mame, they chorused, what is mame...we have no mame here for we are all the same name-mame. Perhaps independent subjectivity is hard to come by here. There is another colour they said, we do not know it...we do not see it...we fear it, it is danger, it is not green and green is safe green, green is all we know. I fluttered away, if that’s what you can call it...fluttering. I spent some time, perhaps 5 minutes, it might have been 5 years, it's hard to keep track in a place with no hands that tick and tock.


After a while I became quite well adjusted, adjusted enough to begin observations. I noticed that for a short time, at regular intervals between the long time, my newly acquainted entities stopped falling and new entities stopped arriving. Other than the regularly scheduled silence everyone was zipping up and down all over the place. Falling is quite a spectacular affair for the spectator, one moment we are floating around possibly but unlikely in the throws of joyful conversation and suddenly floor opens up, the claws of gravity release, the jaw of substance gnashes, swallows, burps and the entity falls through the floor. No-one ever meets again here. I must admit I’m a bit hesitant about my first time - they assure me it’s not all bad, but how do they know...probably perpetuating lies soft and comfortable as is the feather boa or water bed.


Before my first fall I encountered strange othernesses. It is impossible to know how much time passes between or during. At some time I was transported backwards to a yellow place. How queer my entire self yellow, all quite yellow. I tried to move around but it turned out I was stuck, caged all the way around my being. Others were stacked on top of me, underneath me, in front of me, before me, I wondered if this is what they call an irish sea? I was immobilised for a time so I started asking myself: why am I? What is purpose? What moves me? Am I a chameleon? Did I ask to leave the green place? Do they trust me? Am I a pixel? A plastic toy? Who are THEY? A paper toy? A paper important? I tried to chat to the comrade next door but he did not say anything of my questions. I believe he thought me quite depressed - I thought him a puss and eternity commenced.


Eternity was shattered when a great light appeared right in front of me, a shapley mass of pink and peach reached towards me, it was complexly detailed with swirling indentations and shiny flat beds that could definitely function as slides. Apart from that for a long time there was nothing, no space, no light. There was my entity, but also not. My presence was there, my awareness of the darkness but there was no one to contemplate it. An infinity looped the darkness, me me, darkness, darkness, me me, darkness, darkness, me me, darkness, darkness, me me, darkness, darkness, me me, darkness darkness, me, me, darkness, darkness, me me, darkness, darkness me, me darkness.


The next thing I knew I was opening my eyes, I was in my cage the yellow light was gone and the infinity loop a nightmare I daren’t awaken from. I left that place-place some time after that, a longer time than since I had arrived. My return visit was fruitful like a cherry tree. Settled in the green place I remembered I must at some point fall and the nervousness gnawed at my internal-entity.


- 2019


© anyotherkingdom



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