Mother and Father took me to the pet shop sometime around my 13th birthday. They said it was now that I took care of someone other than myself. I blame them for my self-centredness, they could have given me a brother or sister as an antidote long ago. The pet shop smelt overwhelmingly of sawdust and piss, I felt guilty, looking at the creatures in their tiny glass boxes the whole world gawking as it walked past. I was unimpressed by the hamsters, around and around they ran in their plastic wheels, dizzy creatures, I thought how boring the inside of their heads must be to stomach the churning. Mother and Father thought I would choose a cutie; soft fluffy floppy ears and suitable for a young lady, a guinea pig perhaps, or a rabbit, a syrian hamster or even a tortoise. Much to their horror I fell for two wee little rats, one was grey the other white, the first had long beautiful whiskers and a silver coat that a unicorn would be jealous of. The other was quite the opposite, his whiskers were all crumpled around the end of his nose as if he had shut his nozzle in a door.
I had them for about a week when I finally decided on their names: Sparkle & Meatloaf, I enjoyed the pounding oxymoron of the images this delivered by my tongue and the way the sounds elapsed from my mouth. They were scared of me for a while - wary creatures rats are. Something skittish in their psyche.
The pitter-patter of their nervous feet. Scampering from the crown of my head to the tip of my toes. The hum of their little bodies. The hum of life, never still.
Having these creatures so dependent on me, helplessly dependent on me altered me. Eventually the ratties died and some years later I got a kitten, a highly independent creature, he bought me the carcasses of birds and rabbits he had slain with his claws - sharpened every morning on my armchair. As time progressed the kitten became a wiggly dog, although less independent the doggo brought a sense of emotional security I had never before experienced with another creature.
I remain trapped in the silk web of caring for others and still forget myself even now - I seem to have misplaced my childish ego. But yet I yearn for it still, who would I have become if Mother and Father did not insist on a companion.
- 2020
© anyotherkingdom
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